Episode 1: No Laughing Matter

Episode 1: No Laughing Matter

We give you two short, scary stories and it’s up to you to figure out which story is based on factual accounts and which is a totally fabricated fake. Our stories this week are sure to make you think twice about something as simple and innocuous as laughter. Tune in each week to put your skills to the test and find out if you have what it takes to tell the difference between what is fact and what is fake?

Transcript

[Creepy Intro Music]

Hey everyone, and Welcome to the Fact or Fake Podcast, I am your host Chloe Mays, and on this podcast, we give you two short, scary stories and it’s up to you to figure out which story is based on factual accounts and which is a totally fabricated fake. If you’re a fan of horror like me, then you know that the scariest stories aren’t necessarily the ones with all of the monsters and the ghouls. Instead, the stories that really creep me out are the ones that hit just a LITTLE too close to home. The ones that could totally happen in real life. 

And with everything going on in the world right now, it seems that the lines between reality and an actual horror story just continue to blur more and more with each passing day. And, I don’t know about y’all, but I feel that it’s just becoming harder and harder to accept things as truth at face value. I constantly find myself questioning whether something that is being told to me as fact is actually true or if it’s made up BS. 

So that got me thinking… how good are we at actually distinguishing between what is true and what’s totally made up? Put your skills to the test here and now. Each episode of this podcast will contain 2 stories. One is based on true events (some identifying details such as names, dates, locations, and other particulars may be altered to prevent all of you amateur sherlock holms’ from performing a simple Google search and cheating the system). Then the other story will be totally made up. Some of these false accounts will be complete and utter works of fiction from our team here at Fact or Fake. While some fake stories will draw inspiration from popular urban legends, conspiracy theories, or misinformation that has previously been spread to try and trip you up. 

The time has come for you to put your skills to the test. Can you tell the difference between what is fact and what is fake? 

Without further ado, our stories this week are sure to make you think twice about something as simple and innocuous as laughter. Our first story starts with a few coworkers celebrating with a night on the town, one of them will soon find out how menacing something as simple as a smile and a laugh can truly be. 

[Creepy Transition Music]

What I’m about to tell you just goes to prove that a normal evening can quickly turn into anything but. It was just a random Tuesday. My team at work just landed a new account with a large tech company - I would tell you which one, but they have pretty tight NDA’s. It was huge for our company - truly a massive success. This contract practically doubled our operating business with the stroke of a pen. Even though it was a Tuesday, we thought that this was a special enough of an occasion that there was room to let loose and celebrate a little.

There was a neat German tavern down the road from our offices that had this huge beer garden. The spot actually had a special place in my heart because my best friend and I would always go there for all of our celebratory moments. What we would do is order these massive glass boots of beer and act like fools. I wasn’t about to deviate from that tradition - though tonight, said friend was unable to join us given the impromptu nature of the decision.

Unfortunately, when we got to the tavern, their beer garden was closed. Apparently it’s only open Thursday - Sunday. We were a little disappointed, but didn’t let that deter our fun. We all ordered Das Boot and knocked boots in a celebratory cheers. We were definitely the annoying table at the tavern that night. It was about 10pm on a Tuesday, the tavern was relatively empty and devoid of patrons, and the bartenders were not impressed by our high levels of energy.

We had been at the tavern for a half hour or so when I clocked that there was a man sitting alone at the table across from us. He appeared to be in his mid 50’s with salt and pepper hair. There was nothing particularly interesting about this man. Average build, white dude who looked like every other white dude in his 50’s. The only thing that kind of put me on edge when we locked eyes was that he was alone at the table, but sporting a large, almost plastic-like smile. When our eyes met, I didn’t feel like he was looking at me. His stare was so blank and devoid of emotion that it seemed any meeting of our eyes was totally coincidental.

I averted my eyes and tried not to stare at the lonely man. The only people who were really at the bar tonight were us and the older regulars. He probably comes here a lot and is just zoning out - it is getting a bit late after all. I turn my attention back to my co-workers who are all geeking out over how they’re going to spend their bonus checks for signing the account.

I couldn’t help myself and my thoughts kept lingering on the man alone at the table. He hadn’t moved in an awful long time. It had to have been about 20-30 minutes since I last stole a glance at the table. I knew that properly looking back at the table would do nothing more than creep me out so I had been avoiding it, but my curiosity got the better of me. I looked back at the man and he was STILL sitting, STILL staring blankly in our direction, and STILL smiling that abnormal smile.

This was too much so I nudged one of my co-workers, Kate, and whispered “Hey, I’m not crazy, right? That guy over there is, like, really creepy, right?”

Kate whipped her head around to look at the man at the table. Subtlety was clearly not her strong suit. I hid my face in embarrassment, pretending that the move would hide the fact that we were clearly talking about this man. Kate turned back to me and shrugged. “I don’t know, I don’t think there’s anything creepy about him.”

“Really? I just… I don’t know, that smile. Hmm, I guess you’re right,” I said, ending the conversation there before I became the source of ridicule at our table of co-workers for fixating on this man. We were all pretty close and no amount of dragging, jokes, or burns were off the table.

It was getting rather late and we all got up to leave the bar not too long after that. I personally was relieved. I don’t know why, but I truly could not get my mind off of that dude with the creepy smile. We all huddled outside and said our goodbyes as my co-workers got into their various ride shares. I lived just a few short blocks away and decided that it would be ridiculous to take a Lyft or Uber that would last all of 2 minutes.

I began walking down the street and soon turned off the main road that the tavern was on and to start my journey down the quiet apartment and house-lined streets. The streets were completely empty given the weird hour on a weeknight. That’s what makes what happened next all the more terrifying. As I’m walking, I hear something that causes my blood to run cold. Somewhere behind me I heard a low, but distinct chuckle. I quickly turned around to see who was there. At the end of the block, back near the main street was that creepy man from the tavern. STILL staring that blank stare. STILL smiling that impossible smile. But NOW he was laughing to himself as he slowly walked, hands in his pockets in my direction.

My stomach dropped. All of my worst fears realized as I assumed the worst - that this man was not well intentioned. The distance between us was closing and I wasn’t about to let him get any closer to me - I was not about to take any chances here. This was all far too unsettling to be cavalier about the situation. I quickly cross the street to put distance between me and the man. Once I cross the street and have a safe distance between myself and the man, I pause. I want to see what his next move will be. I needed to see which direction he was going to be moving in so that I didn’t accidentally end up with my back to him at any time.

The man continues walking at his casual pace. It looks like he’s just going to continue walking down the street, but all of the sudden he abruptly - and almost unnaturally - stops right across the street from me and does a hard 90 degree turn to face me - STILL staring, STILL smiling, and STILL laughing that low laugh. I quickly grab my keys, placing one between each knuckle, ready for absolutely anything to happen.

We’re in a bit of a staring contest. Waiting to see who will make the first move. I truly didn’t think he could have been creepier, but he managed to one-up himself. The man cocked his head hard to the left, bending his neck at an almost unnatural angle. The kind that you might associate with a dog when they hear a new sound.

I had certainly had enough of this nonsense and I just wanted to go home. But even if I made a run for it, I didn’t want this man to know where I lived. I thought that I might be able to attract the attention of some of the neighbors - with enough eyes on him he would surely have to go away. So I shouted at the top of my lungs, “Leave me alone, you creep!”

The man’s neck snaps back up into a normal position. His freakishly large smile slowly begins to melt into the most unnerving frown that I had ever seen. The frown was menacing, but what made it all the more sinister was that he was still laughing. The veins in the man’s head begin to bulge, his face turns a deep red color, and his body begins to shake as he strained to laugh against his frown.

Then everything fell silent … The man stopped laughing and started to walk back down the street towards the tavern like nothing ever happened. He went from looking like the literal stuff of nightmares to looking like a completely normal guy in a split second. I didn’t even realize that I had been holding my breath, but I let out a much needed exhale of relief.

Once the man was back at the end of the street and appeared to be continuing back to the tavern, I decided that it was safe to continue my walk to my apartment. It was only another two blocks away - I could make it. I kept my keys laced between my knuckles not feeling completely safe just yet. I mean, what was even wrong with that guy? I mean, I know that there are creeps out there who think it’s okay to follow women home and harass them. Hell something like that has happened to me before, but this was a whole new level. There was just something off about him. I should have trusted my gut back at the tavern when I thought he was a weirdo. I should have taken a Lyft home. I should have asked one of my co-workers to walk me home before they took off. So many thoughts were running through my head as to how I would have changed the situation. But the reality was that the man was the creep - there was nothing that I could do to change that. 

I had only walked one more block down the road when I heard the sound of feet pounding against the pavement. The sound was unmistakable, someone was running up on me from behind me. My heart raced into overdrive. I spin around to confirm what I already knew was true. The man was bounding down the street towards me. He was now on my side of the road running full speed, sporting that same dreadful frown and laughing that maniacal laugh. There was about a block between us and my apartment was just at the end of the next road. I took off, screaming loudly for help as I booked it towards my apartment.

I had never been particularly fast, but I summoned every bit of adrenaline I could muster to get me back to my apartment in time. I already had my key in hand from it previously being laced between my knuckles. I knew I would have to be precise. There was no room for error. I could see the entrance to my building ahead. I didn’t dare look over my shoulder to see how close he was to me, though the sounds of his feet hitting the pavement and his eerie laugh were distinctly gaining on me.

I ran up to the door, with an expert-like and swift move, I quickly unlocked the door, slipped through and slammed it shut behind me. Luckily the door was auto locking, or I may not have been fast enough. Just as I shut the door, the man slammed into the glass safety door. He stumbled back, but that didn’t deter him. He clearly thought that he would be able to break down this door. He ran right back into the door, laughing as he continued to slam into the door again and again. I know I should have run up the stairs to my apartment, but I was frozen in shock.

One of my neighbors on the first floor peaked their head into the hall to see what all of the commotion was. I turned to face my neighbor and screamed at them to call the police. They didn’t need to hear any more information and quickly disappeared back into their apartment. I turn back to face the door and the man is gone. Like he completely disappeared. I did a quick survey of my surroundings, but I know that there is no other way into the building other than the front entrance and the fire exists.

I would think that the silence would be comforting, but honestly it was just unnerving at this point. The only evidence that the man had been there at all was a small bloodstain on the glass door from where he had ran into it - clearly with enough speed to split open his forehead.

The police soon arrived. I gave them my statement, but they said that if the blood sample didn’t turn up anything that there is not much that they could do because apparently the description I gave fits too wide of a profile and he hadn’t actually done anything wrong - which is absolute bullshit. Clearly this man was dangerous and the police weren’t going to try to do anything about it. They even added insult to injury by telling me that I would be fine because this sort of thing happens all the time. Like, is that supposed to comfort me? As the cops turned to leave, the office who took my statement turned back to me and smiled as he tipped his hat and left. There was something about that smile. Something familiar. Something that made me shudder. It was all too similar of a smile to that creepy man who chased me to my apartment.

I make my way up to my apartment, lock the doors and windows and barricade myself in my room, not feeling particularly safe after my chat with the police. I had to move out shortly after. I was fortunate that my landlord let me break my lease early - I was giving up a choice rent-controlled spot. I just couldn’t stand the thought of having that creepy laughing man knowing where I lived.

To this day I just can’t get that image of his smile and the sound of his menacing laughter out of my head.

[Creepy Transition Music]

Oof, I’ve encountered some creeps before, but never one that followed me home quite like that. I can totally see why she moved. I would never be able to stay at an apartment when someone was still on the loose after doing that. Just imaging someone laughing like that as they follow you down the street is *gah* no. Ew, no. I don’t know what I would do if I were in that situation.  

Before we move on to our next story, I wanted to mention that if YOU think you have a scary story - either one that really happened or some spine-tingling tale that you dreamt up, email your submission to us at info@factorfakepodcast.com - or visit our website factorfakepodcast.com 

So what are your thoughts? Does the laughing man really exist, or is he just a figment of our writer’s imagination? Think about that and get ready for our final story of the week that begins at a high school in a small town where students will soon come to find that class clown is no longer the superlative they want to snag at the end of the school year…

[Creepy Transition Music]

Looking back on it, finals were never as important as they felt when you were in high school. It always felt like your year coalesced into one paper or test that would determine if all of your hard work was actually worth it. So, I suppose, that to say we were a little stressed out and on edge was a bit of an understatement. Finals were, I think a week away at that point?

My friend Emma was sitting next to me in our Chemistry class. Emma always did this thing when she was stressed out where she would pick at her eyebrows. She often had to heavily pencil in over the bald spots to cover up the habit. Sure enough, as she furiously scribbled notes in her binder with one hand, she was picking at her eyebrows with another. I found that the one tried and true way to help her to stop was to distract her with something else. But we were in class, so there were few options. I decided the best way to covertly help her relax a little was to send her notes with stupid jokes in them.

Listen, I know it may not have been the most clever approach, but it was all I could drum up as a … oh god, how old would I have been? Junior in high school… so like, 16? 17? Something like that. Either way, as a teenager, I thought this was a genius idea.

I passed the note to her. God, I wish I would remember what stupid joke I wrote down. I know that it was a really horrible chemistry pun. Something embarrassing like “Did you hear that oxygen went on a date with potassium? I heard it went just OK” Look, I’m not a comedian now, and I certainly wasn’t one then. But Emma laughed, giggling under her breath as to not alert the teacher.

She wrote something down and passed the note back. Under my joke, she wrote, “You’re dumb, lol.” Some might take this as a sign to stop, but it had clearly worked to get her to stop picking at her eyebrows, and she was still lightly chuckling to herself. I figured she was more so laughing at me than at the joke, but I took that as a win and decided that one more joke couldn’t hurt. I quickly wrote down something equally as cringy as the last joke and passed it back to Emma who took the note, fully rolling her eyes.

She opened up the note and this time the joke seemed to hit a little harder. She laughed rather loudly, illicting the attention of our teacher.

“Is something funny, Ms. Miller?” the teacher asked as he approached her desk. Emma was still laughing. I looked at her with a look that screamed to shut up before we got in trouble. The joke was not even that funny, she should NOT be laughing this hard.

Emma covered her mouth in an attempt to stifle the laughter, but her laughter was still clear as day and our teacher was getting pretty fed up at this point. That was when he saw the note on Emma’s desk and snatched it up. He unfolded it. I knew nothing bad was in the note, but my heart was still racing. He smirked with a smug look on his face, “This is what you’re laughing about?”

Emma continued to laugh, shaking her head no. She gasped in a sharp, but deep breath and managed to say, “Can’t… stop…” between laughs.

“Emma, look, I need you to stop or I’m going to have to send you and Olivia down to the principal’s office.” our teacher said.

I attempted to object, but our teacher cut me off and said, “Olivia, I know you two were passing notes, I don’t want to hear it.”  He was a total jerk, but not wanting to fan the flames of this escalating situation, I held my tongue and just crossed my arms and sighed heavily in protest.

Despite all of this, Emma was still laughing. A few other students started to join in the laughter thinking that Emma was obviously pranking our teacher. I knew better, I knew that she was probably just stressed out and is having some bad anxiety episode or something.

“Alright, that’s it. Principal’s office. Both of you,” our teacher pointed at the door. Looking back on it he was being kind of a massive jerk. Like, I get that she was disrupting his class, but if he had a little empathy, he could’ve seen that she wasn’t laughing like that on purpose to prank him or something.

Our classmates cheered and laughed as we left the room. Applauding us for an effort at a prank that we had not intended. Our teacher called down to the principal’s office to let him know that we were coming. Emma laughed the whole way down to the principal’s office. She went from trying to hold her laughter in to holding her stomach.

“Are you okay? I know I’m not THAT funny,” I wondered as we made our way through the halls.

“I just...Can’t stop… Don’t know... why…” Emma forced out her response between laughs.

We sat outside the principal’s office looking absolutely ridiculous with Emma laughing uncontrollably and me just lightly banging my head against the wall. The principal’s assistant implored us to stop more than once, but I just sighed, “She can’t, that’s the whole issue.”

After a few minutes, we were let into the principal’s office. The principal asked us to sit down and explain what happened from our perspective. Presumably he had just gotten off the phone with our teacher. Emma is clearly straining to try not to laugh. She covers her mouth with her hand again to try to stifle the laughs. She looks down a bit embarrassed. Since Emma is otherwise incompacitated, I relay the story to the principal and emphasize that we didn’t mean for this to happen.

The principal looks over to Emma. “Is that true Ms. Miller?”

Emma was looking down and held her hand tightly to her face in an attempt to drown out the laughter.

“Ms. Miller, look at me, this is serious,” the principal demanded in a more authoritative tone. Emma removes her hand from her face. Her laughs were more pronounced, but something was different about her laughter this time. The laughs seemed more pained. Emma looked up and her mascara was running down her face. She was sobbing. It was unlike anything that I had ever seen. She was clearly crying in pain, but was still laughing hysterically.

The principal was silent with his jaw agape for what seemed like an eternity. “Well do something!” I yelled which startled the middle aged man so much that he practically jumped out of his seat. He was clearly unsettled by the scene in front of him. He called down to the nurse’s office.

“I’m going to send you both to the nurse’s office. We’re calling your parents to come pick you both up immediately” the principal said.

Good move, make us someone else’s problem. Seemed to be the name of the game at that point. We walked the short distance across the hall to the nurse’s office. The nurse, who was honestly the only person who had shown any compassion for the situation so far. She helped Emma into one of three beds in the office. She asked when the laughing started and how long it had been going on for. I relayed to her as much information as possible. But that’s when something even more strange happened. Three more kids from our class entered the nurse’s office. All three were laughing uncontrollably.

The nurse turned to me with a look that said she was as baffled as I was. She led two of the other students to beds. One had to be seated in the nurse’s office chair as the room was now over capacity. I look down at Emma who is now straining against the laughter even harder than before “It … hurts…” she managed to squeak out between laughs.

I didn’t know what to do. I apologized and tried to comfort her, but this whole thing went way over my head. What the hell was happening. The other students who arrived were all laughing as hysterically as Emma.

The nurse’s phone rang. She answered “Oh, no way. We don’t have anywhere to put them. What do we do?” She spoke in hushed tones realizing that I was eavesdropping.

My soul practically left my body - I jumped so high when Emma let out an excruciating scream. I thought the laugh crying was the most disturbing thing that I had ever seen, but you haven’t seen anything until you’ve seen one of your good friends scream in pain while laughing.

I regret this looking back on it, but I yelled over Emma’s screams to the nurse “DO SOMETHING!” Like, what was she supposed to do? She hung up the phone and ran over to Emma to do whatever she could. I stepped out of the way - truly just having no idea what I was supposed to do in that moment. Just then, the kid who was sitting in the nurse’s chair passed out and fell from the chair to the floor.

I shouldn’t have. I don’t know what compelled me to, but I let out a small giggle as I turned to the nurse who didn’t notice the kid who fainted over Emma’s screaming at first. She turned, and once she saw the scene, quickly ran over to the kid on the floor - clearly overwhelmed by what was happening.

I started to panic a little when I realized that I hadn’t stopped giggling. I focused all of my energy on trying to stop giggling, but focusing on it only made it worse. The giggling grew into outright laughter. I couldn’t stop…

And it just kept growing. No one could explain it. The laughter spread like a virus through the school. Students plagued with uncontrollable laughter. They had to close down the school and send everyone home. At first they thought that it was just some elaborate end of the year prank. But when the laughter spread throughout our small town, it left everyone absolutely shocked. The laughter sometimes lasted for just a few hours, but most cases lasted anywhere from a few days to a week. The worst one I heard of was this one case that lasted for a whole month. And then it BAM it just disappeared as suddenly as it came. While most people fully recovered from the incident, some were left with respiratory issues, GI issues, and some with lasting psychological damage. To this day, no one can explain what happened.

We all just hold the month lost to laughter in our hearts as the month that changed the meaning of laughter for everyone in our little town forever.

[Creepy Transition Music]

No thank you. If laughter was ever actually contagious, I would be the number one culprit of spreading that disease. I think it’s an understatement to say that I’m always laughing. I would be totally screwed. 

Well, that’s it for our stories today. So which do you think is inspired by true events? Is it the story of how laughter spread like a virus through a school and subsequently the surrounding township - infecting people with uncontrollable fits of laughter for days even weeks at a time? Or was it the story of the woman who caught the attention of the disturbing laughing man who chased her back to her apartment? 

Come back next week to find out if you’re right. We will reveal which story was fact and which was fake at the top of our next episode. So if you think you have what it takes to sniff out what’s fact from what’s fake, this is no laughing matter, tune in next week to find out if you’re right. 

And remember, if you like this podcast and want to hear more, be sure to subscribe, rate the show, and leave a review with which story you think is Fact and which is a total Fake - it helps us tremendously in the algorithm so we can continue to make more cool content for all of you. Stay connected with us and other members of the Fact or Fake Fam by following us on social media at the handle @factorfakepod. Thank you so much for your support! 

Thanks again for listening. I’m Chloe Mays and I will see you next week where I will reveal the answer to which of these two tales is fact and which is fake - AND for two totally new reality-bending stories about creepy clowns that flooded the streets of the United States in 2016. See you next Monday on the Fact or Fake Podcast. Stay spooky y’all.

[Spooky Outro Music]